The Map You Were Given

Do you feel lost in the world? I have. For most of my life.

So I looked for help. So much self-help. I have probably tried every way to figure out a clear destination to go to, but every time I try I end up back where I started.

Wandering.

So, I developed a theory. About how we get all twisted up and turned around and how what we think we want doesn’t work out the way we hope.

The Map

I believe that when you were a child you inherited a treasured family heirloom without even being aware of it.

You got a map.

This map belonged to your parents. And before that, your grandparents. Carefully marked are all the places you might go, or more specifically, all the places your parents, grandparents, and even great grandparents might have gone. There are illustrations in special places that represent the opportunities that were a part of their world, and maybe some new ones that they believe will be a part of yours. There are notes beside the work you find acceptable, laid out like cities. The way they understood education connects it all together like highways or train tracks, or even newly sketched in flight paths.

Life is easy. Follow the map.

Each map is unique. Some have been handed down with few alterations, each generation doing nearly the same thing as their ancestors before them. Others have been greatly altered as dramatic events reshaped how that generation understood the world. But what is important is that when you look at the map, it is supposed to make sense to you. This is what you do, and how you do it.

When you begin to make decisions for yourself, you hold the map in front of you. You have the choices laid out. You can choose a familiar town, the type of place someone in your family has worked, like an office job or a medical career or farming. You know the route – college, career training, apprenticeship. You might choose to live in the suburbs, have a family and two kids and a dog. When you follow the map, you don’t have to spend much time explaining what you are doing. Everyone in your world has seen something similar to your map, because they have one too. They understand it. It makes perfect sense.

Unless it doesn’t.

And if it doesn’t make sense to you, you may start out going to the place your parents or grandparents suggested, but before long, you find you are drifting off that path. You are heading in a completely different direction, without really knowing what is in-between those familiar places. You might find yourself wondering if there’s something out there that isn’t on your map.  Or, you follow the map exactly only to find that the city you went to is deeply unsatisfying. You hate it. You want to leave. You panic and pick another place, but you hate that one too.

Isn’t this how we’re supposed to find our way? Pick a destination, a purpose, a dream, and then do the right things to go there? That’s the way it’s done. That’s what everyone does. Why isn’t it working for you?

It doesn’t feel good. How will you explain yourself? Will you ever find your way? Will you ever find anything at all? You don’t want to be a drifter, so you take jobs along the way – maybe even successful ones, but deep down the desire to leave what you are doing in search of what is right for you is ever-present.

Why are you still wandering?

What is wrong with you?

What if there’s nothing wrong with you at all?

What if taking as much time as you need to figure yourself out was a perfectly valid option? What if the fact that you have chosen to explore for a while wasn’t the worst possible thing you could tell your parents or grandparents?

What if you made the Choice to Wander?